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Stephen: “Stephen Colbert VS an 80 year old man doing push-ups.”

(via fuckyeahstevejonandstephen)

The Colbert Report Episode GuideEPISODE NUMBER: 8082 (April 9, 2012)
GUESTS: Bob Lutz
CHARACTER BREAK: From 00:38 - 00:45
SEGMENTS: Easter Under Attack: Bunny Vs. Bilby|Searching for Mr. Right - Mitt Romney & Iowa’s Steve King |Stephen Colbert’s Shame Spiral - Senior Citizen Gymnasts|Sign Off - Remembering Mike Wallace
SUIT REPORT: Gray Suit | White Shirt | Black & gray spotted tie
VIDEOS: Monday, April 9, 2012

What an amazing episode! The audience was totally on fire, giving Stephen a tremendous energy boost and great start to the week. We were just discussing Easter Under Attack in my Look Back Post, so nice to see that he squeezed in one Easter segment (and graphic) before the holiday was over. And some great Aussie Shout-Outs! I would totally love to see Tip of the Bush Hat, Wag of the Didgeridoo.

The truly stellar performance at Stephen’s congressional testimony came not from Stephen, but from Congressman Steve King. He never breaks character as a close-minded conservative, so it is no wonder that Stephen is highly recommending him for the honor of becoming Mitt Romney’s VP candidate.

I had seen the video clip of the German gymnast and was stunned at her performance; I think it gives us all hope that even as we age, we can keep going strong. This message clearly resonates with Stephen, giving rise to the delightfully dark new segment Stephen Colbert’s Shame Spiral, and vigorous pushups with Bob Lutz.

Stephen really seems to be in great shape! And looking great as always.

What did you guys think of the ep? Let us know in the comments.

Easter Under Attack: Bunny Vs. Bilby

First of all, before we start the show tonight, I have to take a moment here to give a big shout out to all my bronies. And I do want to reiterate that I do not know what that means.

Nation, there are a lot of nieces out there very excited right now.

Nation, I hope you had a fantastic Easter. I spent the holiday surrounded by family, going to church, and totally dominating my neighborhood Easter egg hunt.

Suck it, Tyler! I can’t believe, I cannot believe you fell for the old “go check under the hedges” trick. There was nothing under the hedges. I got all the eggs, including these three, I took it from him!

I won Easter! You can win.

And mine wasn’t the only display of Easter athleticism.

Yes, he’s God’s quarterback and evidentially Denver has higher standards than God.

Why Tebow on Easter? Well, that’s obvious.

[caption id=”attachment_11945” align=”alignnone” width=”525” caption=”“Yes, Easter is the Super Bowl of Christianity, when we celebrate the triumph of the ultimate ‘come from behind’ player: Jesus Christ. “”][/caption]

All Judea had counted him out but he emerged three days later and uttered those famous words. “I’m going to Disney World!” Where he delivered The Sermon on the Space Mount.

I’m sure that you think that now that it’s Monday, Easter is safe from the secular progressives out there but Jesus isn’t the only one who can surprise ya, this is Easter Under Attack!

Tonight (break). Oh, he’s packing! You better believe he’s packing!

Tonight, a disturbing attack from Australia, where because of the time change I believe it’s still Sunday or as they say, “Suddayme”.

[caption id=”attachment_11941” align=”alignnone” width=”525” caption=”“Now, I’ve always felt a special kinship with The Land Down Under. After all, if my Irish great-great-grandfather, Seamus Connelly, hadn’t jumped off that Sydney bound convict ship, right now I’d be doing segments like Tip ‘O the Bush Hat, Wag of the Didgeridoo and Alpha Dingo of the Week.”“][/caption]

So, I assume that Australians celebrate Easter just like us. Except, of course, below the equator where Jesus comes out of the tomb counter-clockwise.

But the Aussies are about to eradicate the holiest symbol of Easter.

Easter Bilby? This is an assault on the sacred ritual of dying a rabbit pink and gorging on it’s chocolate offspring. Who wants a chocolate bilby? You know, you know it’s gotta creamy vegemite center!

Plus it makes no sense! The bilby is a marsupial, unlike rabbits, they don’t lay eggs. And now, now I’ve gotta go digging in it’s filthy pouch for my chocolate treats? They’ll melt!

Besides, if you want to replace the Easter Bunny, you already have a native Australian egg laying mammal: The duckbilled platypus. Children will love the Easter Platypus. If they’re good they get chocolate and if they’re bad he’ll stab them in the neck with his venomous heel spike, just like Santa.

Now, folks (aside to audience) it’s gonna catch on.

Searching for Mr. Right - Mitt Romney & Iowa’s Steve King

Folks, it’s officially the unofficial start of the 2012 general election. After a bruising republican primary season the foreplay is over and like all republican foreplay it was expensive, vindictive, and ended with something pretty predictable.

But now that Mitt Romney pretty much has the nomination nailed down, there’s one question everyone’s asking: Who will Romney pick as his running mate?

[caption id=”attachment_11947” align=”alignnone” width=”525” caption=”“For months, names like Marco Rubio and Paul Ryan have swirled through the rumor mill. Unfortunately, Bain Capital bought the mill and laid-off all the rumor mer-*#&$! Keep on going, well, keep going!”“][/caption]

Well, that’s not going to stop me from speculating wildly. Which brings me to my new segment: Searching For Mr. Right.

It is crucial that Romney pick a running mate who will help him with the groups he’s weak with. Women, Hispanics, African Americans, Evangelical Christians, and Republicans.

Now, one man, one man out there who would shore up Mitt’s support with the far right is Iowa Congressman and Unblinking Nordic Death’s Head, Steve King.

You may remember Congressman King from this historic exchange during my congressional testimony.

Now, I would like to apologize to Representative King, I have since learned the correct term is “cob gobbler”.

Well, in the last week, Congressman King has repeatedly proven why he is the number one choice to be the number two guy, starting with this nuanced critique of Obama Care.

Yes! In every state babies are born all the time who are delivered at home, don’t get any vaccinations, never see a dentist, make it through school without ever getting strep throat or head lice or pink eye or mono. Have perfect vision and never get sick as an adult, keep all of their mental faculties and die happily at the age of 110 surrounded by all of their loving children who also were born at home and never got vaccinated or sick.

After all, after all, Americans were fine before “modern medicine”. They worked hard, raised families, and passed away of natural causes at the ripe old age of 28.

Reason number two King is the perfect Veep. Steve King is looking out for small businesses. Last Monday, he outlines how business owners could avoid discrimination lawsuits from gay employees.

Hear that The Gays? It’s up to you to keep us from discriminating because once we know you’re gay I have a natural desire to fire you and unlike gay, discriminating is not a choice.

That’s why I insist no one at The Report tell me their sexual orientation from the lowest intern to my camera man Julian. Right, Jules?

Alright, say hi to the wife and kids for me.

So, folks, we don’t need anti-discrimination laws any more than we need the American’s With Disabilities Act. You hear that disabled people? Stop rubbing your disability lifestyle in my face! Just let me continue thinking that you’re a lazy man in a chair from the future.

And I say, you go Steve King! And I assume this means you won’t be telling us whether you’re gay. Although coming up with a great excuse to keep everyone in the closet is a pretty big hint.

So, Mitt Romney, take a close look at Steve King for the ticket but not too close, he might get the wrong idea. After all, we’re coming up on corn packing season.

Stephen Colbert’s Shame Spiral

[caption id=”attachment_11943” align=”alignnone” width=”525” caption=”“She’s 86! Look at that. She’s 84 years older than the average Chinese gymnast. She is old enough to retire from the AARP, meanwhile, I break a sweat bringing a fork to my mouth. “”][/caption]

[caption id=”attachment_11944” align=”alignnone” width=”525” caption=”“I’m fat. I mean I run every day….from the desk to interview table. That’s gotta be 2 miles, or else why are my nipples bleeding when I get there?”“][/caption]

And Mom, I know you’re 91, but you are going wake boarding!

That’s it for this week’s edition of Stephen Colbert’s Shame Spiral. Now go away while I eat my hurt.

Interview - Bob Lutz

[caption id=”attachment_11948” align=”alignnone” width=”525” caption=”Preparation”][/caption]

[caption id=”attachment_11951” align=”alignnone” width=”525” caption=”Duration”][/caption]

[caption id=”attachment_11952” align=”alignnone” width=”525” caption=”Concession”][/caption]

Sign Off: Remembering Mike Wallace

Catch the late Mr. Wallace’s 2007 appearance on TCR here.

The Colbert Report Guest Line UpHello, Hubsters!

I hope everyone had a happy Passover, a happy Easter, or just a happy weekend. Great to be back and better knowing Stephen’s and Jon’s guests—although I assure you, I am still in the midst of freelance madness, editing and writing and then editing and writing some more. A little crazy, but basically wonderful.

This weekend has been relatively quiet, considering how super-heated the news has been recently. I myself cannot even guess what our favorite faux pundits will cover on Monday. Well, being surprised is a good thing, and there’s never any shortage of political madness to play with. And this week, as we all know, Stephen has a big guest: Michelle Obama! I’m really excited to see how she’ll do in the hot seat; my suspicion  is that she’ll handle it all very coolly and well, with her customary flair. As for The Daily Show, a favorite returns: Ricky Gervais is back yet again. I’m expecting the usual hilarity.

So onward to our guests!

Monday, 4/9: Bob Lutz

Robert A. LutzWhen Obama was putting his economic recovery act into effect, one of the industries that generated the most controversy was car manufacturing—and especially one-time powerhouse General Motors, now only a shadow of its former self. (Ask Michael Moore.) Should the auto makers get bailed out? Were they more or less deserving than the bankers who got their cash relatively easily, despite having done far worse things to the economy? And how did the General Motors and the other manufacturers get into this mess, anyway? Last year, Bob Lutz— once the head of Chrysler’s Global Product Development, executive vice president of sales at BMW, executive vice president at Ford, and vice chairman of GM—attempted to answer that question in the bestselling Car Guys vs. Bean Counters: The Battle for the Soul of American Business. In his view, the money men, more concerned with counting pennies than building a good product, overtook the innovators who once designed automobiles that could capture America’s imagination. Lutz has been in and out and in again at GM, working for them from 1963-71; rejoining them in 2001 and retiring at the end of 2009 from his job as Vice Chairman, Marketing and Communications. In September 2011 he came back yet again.

He certainly has played an important role in the company: In 2008, just as the auto bailout was being angrily debated in DC, the then-76-year-old Lutz testified before Congress to help stem GM’s public relations damage. He ultimately resigned from the corporation because he felt the constraints of government regulation stopped him from giving the customers what they wanted. But during the time he held the post, he succeeded in getting GM and the other Detroit automakers the money they required to stave off bankruptcy. Curiously, though he does agree that cars should be fuel efficient and that electric vehicles are the wave of the future, he does not accept global warming as a reality.  Here he is debating our own dear Neil deGrasse Tyson on the topic, with Bill Maher on Real Time. Really, who are you going to believe on climate change: an astrophysicist or an auto executive?

Lutz now runs his own company, Lutz Communications. Visit his website.

Watch him on Charlie Rose.

In 2010, he helped British carmaker Lotus promote its vehicles.

Lutz discusses his legacy in Forbes.

Tuesday, 4/10: Richard Hersh

Richard HershThough it has been a while now since I’ve done it, I used to teach as an adjunct professor in New York area colleges. Some classes were better than others, but all too often I was left dispirited by two things: the students’ lack of cultural knowledge, and their inability to write well.  Tonight’s guest, Richard Hersh, seems to share some of my opinions about the problems with our educational system, for he has co-written a book with Richard P. Keeling on the topic cleverly titled: We’re Losing Our Minds: Rethinking American Higher Education. Hersh believes that if we don’t do something to remedy the problem, and encourage students to think critically and problem-solve effectively, we will have an economic, social, and political crisis.

Hersh has extensive experience as a high school teacher, college professor, and dean. His many posts included: President of Hobart and William Smith Colleges; President of Trinity College; Provost and Vice President for Academic Affairs at The University of New Hampshire (and the same at Drake University); Vice President for Research and Dean of the Graduate School at the University of Oregon; and Director of the Center for Moral Education at Harvard. These are top schools, so he has generally dealt with the crème de la crème of students.
Hersh is a senior consultant at Keeling Associates, a higher-education consulting firm.

He appeared in the PBS documentary Declining by Degrees, a accompaniment to his book of the same name. Here are some academic responses to that program.

Here’s an article he wrote in The Atlantic.

Wednesday, 4/11: Michelle Obama

Michelle ObamaMichelle Obama is definitely the biggest “get” of the week, the buzz-worthy guest I can’t wait to see. Good going, Stephen! America’s First Lady certainly doesn’t need much introduction. The Chicago-born Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama attended both Princeton (major in sociology; minor in African studies) and Harvard Law, where she worked for the university’s Legal Aid Bureau. Post-graduation, she joined the law firm Sidley Austin, where she met her husband-to-be, and later worked for both Mayor Richard M. Daley and was Associate Dean of Student Services at the University of Chicago. She ended up becoming a great asset during the presidential campaign and proved to have a pitch-perfect sense of how to present herself to voters. (Everyone remember her affordable, on-sale Gap dress—which cost a whopping $29.99? It sold out within hours of her wearing it.)

As First Lady, Michelle Obama has advocated for childhood heath, particularly to eradicate obesity. She established the “Let’s Move!” program to encourage young people to exercise, and has had an organic garden planted on the White House grounds, along with bee hives. Hmmm—inspiration for a “Thought for Food” segment, perhaps? Of course, she’s also mom to daughters Sasha and Malia.

Here is her official “Elect Obama/Biden” website.

Visit her government page.

Follow the First Lady’s much-admired style.

Like her on Facebook.

Follow her on Twitter.

She is known for her strong support for military families, particularly injured vets. She recently visited some former soldiers at the Fisher House in Bethesda, bringing along dog Bo.

Listen to a speech she gave to a girls’ school urging them to get a good education.

She was in the TIME magazine 100 in 2011.

Thursday, 4/12: Ben Rattray

Ben RattrayBen Rattray founded, a website dedicated to making a difference. Basically, allows people to create and distribute petitions for various political and social causes. The petitions have focuses on a range of topics, from getting justice for Trayvon Martin to eliminating pink slime from school lunches to forcing Bank of America to drop unexpected fees. The site has nearly ten million members (of which I am one), but until now has not made very much money. It has, however, done exactly what it was supposed to do: create change and call attention to unfairness and inequality.

A graduate of both Stanford University and the London School of Economics, Rattray has been a government affairs consultant and he just won a “40 Under 40” award for progressive political entrepreneurship.

What is Rattray accomplishing? This article explains.

Read a Q&A with him in the Wall Street Journal.

Subscribe to him on Facebook.

Follow him on Twitter.

Along with Stephen, he’s a nominee for the 2012 TIME 100.

Watch a video of him discussing social change.

Here’s his blog.

And now, let’s check in with our good friend, Jon Stewart!

Monday, 4/9: Tim Weiner

Pulitzer Prize and National Book Award winner Tim Weiner reports for The New York Times, where he has primarily worked as a foreign correspondent in such hot-button countries as Afghanistan, Pakistan, the Sudan, and Mexico. He previously has covered such topics as “black budget” spending at the CIA and the Pentagon. (A black budget is undisclosed money given to an agency in order to carry out work that it does not wish to be public—eg. for weapons research or secret operations.) His newest book is Enemies: A History of the FBI, about the more hidden, often illegal, side of the agency.

Read the New York Times review of Weiner’s book, which they call: “an outstanding piece of work, even-handed, exhaustively researched, smoothly written and thematically timely.”

Here’s the link to some of his articles he’s written for the Times.

Hear him discuss the book on NPR.

Read his article in Slate.

60 Minutes correspondent Mike Wallace just died, and Tim Weiner wrote his obituary.

Tuesday, 4/10: Elon Musk

If you’ve ever bought anything with PayPal, you’ve can thank Elon Musk, because he’s the founder of that company. But that’s not all, because this combination businessman/physicist has also created Space.X , which aims to make space travel less costly and more reliable than ever, and Tesla Motors, which produced one of the first all-electric cars.  He’s won the Heinlein Prize Trust award for “accomplishments in commercial space activities.”

Musk has also established the Musk Foundation, a charitable organization that funds science education, clean energy, and child healthcare.

Like him on Facebook.

Follow him on Twitter.

Read his TechCrunch interview.

Space.X may go public.

Watch Elon Musk over at Space.X!

Wednesday, 4/11: Ricky Gervais

Well, I don’t have to tell you who Ricky Gervais is, do I? You all know The Office, Extras, and perhaps now Life’s Too Short—which is just ending its first season on HBO. Maybe you listen to his podcast. You’ve probably seen the Emmy and BAFTA winner cause controversy when he hosts The Golden Globes. He’s becoming one of the most frequent guests on The Daily Show, and one of the funniest.

This was his most recent appearance on TDS, just this past Valentine’s day. If you visit the show’s guest page, and click on Ricky’s image, you can see them all.

Visit his website.

He’s got a new show debuting on Britain’s Channel 4 this week, and guess what? Mr. Gervais has somehow caused another uproar, as he’s accused of mocking the disabled. A defense against the allegations has been launched. The Daily Mail likes the series and has posted some teasers.

Thursday, 4/12: Esperanza Spalding

Just two years ago, Esperanza Spalding shocked the world and distressed Beliebers everywhere when she won the Grammy for Best New Artist over the Biebster. No one knew who she was, and now she’s famous, which may—although it so rarely happens—be exactly  the result the Grammy voters should want. A graduate of the renowned Berklee School of Music, Spalding is best known for playing bass and she sings as well.

Visit her website, which also has a store to buy her music and other fun things, like t-shirts. You can also find out about her tour schedule, which is happening right now.

You can watch her latest video here.

Follow her on Twitter.

Like her on Facebook.

Hear her on NPR.

That’s it for this week, folks! Let me know which guest you’re most looking forward to!